Goodbye to an Old "Friend"

Perfection, you're not very kind. I will admit you had me fooled for a while. I actually wanted you to be my friend. I mean, who wouldn't? As a child I realized you always had straight A's and your ballet body was a feat to be achieved.  You were the best artist, and you played the piano like a dream.  The prettiest and smartest girls seemed to always have you with them at their lunch tables. When I grew, I saw that you have the most stunning dirt free houses and the cleanest bathrooms. The kids rooms always have folded laundry, and there are no Legos on the floor.  Dinner always tastes like a meal from a 5 star restaurant, and it is always served at 5 sharp...when the children have finished all of their work of course. Perfection, you are a super mom who is never tired and who always has the most wonderful craft ready and the answers for all of the musings of your children and needs of your husband.

One day, I needed you. The exhaustion hit...hard. My body ached from the cleaning and the endless performance without intermission, and my kids looked stressed out because I pushed hard for them to be your friend too. I pleaded with you to make it right. But you crossed your arms and said, "Not good enough....what's wrong with you?" And the lights finally went on. Perfection, you are not perfect. You are destruction masquerading as beautiful excellence. You weave into aching hearts and turn colorful and warm dwellings of creativity into sterile, cold morgues. You distort the word Love to look like the word work and you take freedom and morph it into chains. You rob destiny and you stifle dreams. And I have to say, I'm pretty fed up.

So today, I am kicking you out. You can't come and hang out in the kitchen with my family anymore, and you certainly are not allowed in the God space where all the colors come out of my heart. You have interrupted enough. The rainbow of promise is splattered all over my house and it's a little crazy, it's a little dirty, but it feels like I can relax again because you are not there with Clorox wipes scrubbing everything in sight. A kiss on a forehead instead picking up that crumb, longer moments of holding those I love in the morning instead of doing my makeup, a splash of paint outside the lines, a dissonant chord and a misplaced comma have become lovely to me. I'm not scared  to stretch, to learn, to make mistakes, to grow. It's not a show this life I've been given. It's a wild trip on the oceans of adventure that leads to worlds still undiscovered, and I'm basking in the radiant sun as the paralyzing icicles melt away.